On Not Provoking Children to Anger

Ephesians 6:4a
October 27, 2019
Abraham Hong

Sermon Script

Praise be to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and thanks be to him. Because he cares about our relationships. He cares about the relationship between parents and children. And children have a special place in his heart.

Last week we received Jesus’ command for fathers to bring up their children in his discipline and instruction. This is a positive command. It is something for fathers in particular and parents in general to put on. Today is the opposite. It’s about something for us to put off. It is a negative command. Today we receive Jesus’ command for fathers to not provoke their children to anger.

This is important. It is sad to see children grow up with anger toward their fathers. It is heartbreaking to see families broken by bitterness and resentment and distance with our earthly fathers. But even more so, it is sad to see children grow up with anger toward their heavenly Father. It is heartbreaking to see faith broken by bitterness and resentment and distance with God.

The good news is that this anger can be prevented. And the reason why this anger can be prevented is because this anger is provoked. It is provoked by parents in general and fathers in particular. It comes from our sinfulness and foolishness. And it hurts our children and can cause them to be sinful and foolish as well. But all of this can be prevented and avoided in our families when we obey God’s word here in Ephesians 6:4.

So let us all listen carefully to the command of our Lord Jesus Christ this morning. Whether you are a parent right now or you hope to be a parent someday, let us obey our King for the sake of his glory and for the sake of our children. All Scripture is useful and applicable for all of God’s people. But it is worth noting that Ephesians 6:4 is addressed to fathers. While mothers can be and should be involved in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, this command is addressed to fathers - fathers who have headship and authority over their wives and children for the sake of their spiritual well-being, fathers who will be held accountable for the bringing up of their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, fathers who must do everything they can under their watch to prevent their children from being provoked to anger.

Let us now look at two ways that we can provoke our children to anger.

Fathers and brothers, one way you can provoke your children to anger is by being a hypocrite. This is huge. Your children will be angry toward you if you ask or expect or command or encourage them to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel in their lives… but then you do not do the same in your own life.

This can happen when you tell them not to gossip about others but then they see how you gossip about others. This can happen when you are one way at church and then another way at home. This can happen when you always have them admit their wrongs and confess their sins and say sorry to you and ask for forgiveness but then it begins to dawn on them that they have never ever in their lives heard you once admit that you were wrong or confess your sins to them or say sorry to them or ask them for their forgiveness. This can happen when you expect them to grow and change but you do not grow and change yourself.

Do not be a hypocrite and therefore provoke your children to anger and risk bitterness and resentment and distance from your children.

Fathers and brothers, another way you can provoke your children to anger is by not balancing law with gospel. This is huge. Your children will be angry toward you if you only give them law but not gospel, if you only tell them what they must do for you but not what they mean to you.

This can happen when your conversational life with them is dominated by the subject matter of their obedience or performance or what they do and there is no room for anything else. This can happen when you criticize or nitpick often and find fault in everything but rarely encourage and bless them and find delight in anything. This can happen when you are always talking to them but never listening to them. This can happen when you discipline them angrily instead of lovingly. This can happen when you become like a Pharisee and burden your children with unnecessary laws that bind their conscience and crush their Christian freedom.

Do not be all law and no gospel and therefore provoke your children to anger and risk bitterness and resentment and distance from your children.

And now I’ll stop. I just want to give these two ways that we can provoke our children to anger. Being a hypocrite and not balancing law with gospel. There are so many more things that I could share with you. Having wrong expectations. Being inconsistent. Showing favoritism among your children. Neglecting them. Being unnecessarily angry toward them. And the list goes on and on.

I’m stopping now for two reasons. First, I don’t want to be ironic and give you too much to think about so that I end up provoking you and causing you to be angry at me.

Second, and more importantly, I want us be Christ-centered and gospel-driven. Parenting is one of the hardest things to do. But being a good parent does not come down to skills or personality or money or time. Being a good parent comes down to godly character, the fear of the Lord, and a rock solid understanding of the gospel and the grace and the glory of Christ. Your children will not get angry at you if you are not cool or if you do not have much money. But your children will get angry at you if you are a hypocrite or if you are all law but no gospel. Your children will get angry at you when you are not Christ-centered or gospel-driven.

Dear fathers and brothers, many of you grew up in the church. Many of you know the gospel and believe in Jesus Christ. For all of that, I am truly thankful and I am very happy for you and your families. Just please realize and remember this. Many of you are now just beginning to enter into the greatest chapter and test of your lives. For the rest of your lives, you will have to bear the holy weight of two gifts that God has given you: your wife and your children. But you can do this. And I believe that the best way - if not the only way - that you can do this is by being Christ-centered and gospel-driven in your lives. So for the sake of your children, humble yourselves before the Lord. Ask him for help. For the sake of your children, commit yourselves to Jesus and to his gospel. Be more and more Christ-centered and gospel-driven in your lives. For the sake of your children, put on Christ.

And do not be afraid. Dear fathers and brothers, you are going to commit many, many sins against your children in the years to come. But Jesus loves you. He died for your sins. He died for your sins against your children. And he will bless you and use you to bring them up in his discipline and instruction. And dear fathers and brothers, everything here at Highland loves you too. We are rooting for you. We are praying for you. We are here for you. We think that you guys are the best. We look forward to seeing Isaac, Glory, Olivia, Noah, Selah, and Julia grow old and hearing them say, “My Dad, my father and also my mother… they loved Jesus… and they were just like him. And I want to be just like them. I want to be like Jesus too.”

Soli Deo Gloria